Own Your Life

bwmic

Yesterday I was listening to a friend air her concerns about the guy she was seeing. “Do I really like him though? Do I want to make this official?” she asked. We laughed as I told her she is too old for commitment issues (I shoot from the hip), but I did have empathy.

My friend wanted me, or anyone, to tell her the answers regarding her love life. And all I could tell her was “only you can answer these questions because this is your life”. She probably knows the answers already, but doesn’t realise it because her mind is swimming with a million other anxious and afraid thoughts. On top of that are the host of well-meaning voices that have told her what to do, making a lot of noise.

I know what it’s like, because for a long time I spent every day in her shoes.

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Living the Questions

questions

Probably one of the greatest struggles humans face is not knowing the future. It’s obviously a good thing because all hell would break lose if we did. If you ever saw an episode of the short lived TV show “Flash Forward”, then you will know that seeing the future did not help the characters, it created more problems for them. They faced the dilemma of whether to accept their “fate” or fight it, and some even tried to make it come true. It was absolutely shambolic.

We don’t know the future for a reason but that doesn’t make it any easier to make big decisions based on an unknown future. I know I have struggled with this a lot in the past five years. Recently things have started falling into place, but not without much prayer, discussion and research. Mixed in were many moments of dejection and frustration, while I was struggling with big decisions like “what should I do for a career?” and even heart wrenching ones like “should I marry this person?”

One of my favourite people to talk life, dreams and careers with is my wonderful friend Candace. She lives big and she lives real, and she often reminds me of her favourite quote by Rainer Maria Rilke;

“Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

This has changed the way I see and do life. I like answers, we all do. We like to have it all figured out and know what is next, but the beauty is in the not knowing and who we become in the process. Sometimes waiting is the best thing for us and it fosters virtues like faithfulness, patience and trust.

Questions are such a big part of our lives, for we can only see what is in front of us. The more time we are spending trying to answer them ourselves in all of our limited knowledge, the less time we have to learn. There is something to discover in every stage we are in, whether we want to be there or not.

I dare you; stare your questions in the face. Don’t be afraid of them or angry at them, but make them feel at home. Set them up on your couch with a cup of tea, a digestive biscuit and a smile. Sit yourself across from them and make conversation. Be kind to them. You don’t know how long they will be around, but I can tell you one thing for sure; they definitely have the answers you need. They just aren’t very forthcoming, but you will be surprised what some gentle coaxing will do.

The good news is that the questions won’t stick around forever (not the same ones anyway). Despite how treacherous it feels, we do come out the other side eventually. Stronger and wiser, hopefully! We all have questions, big and small, but we don’t need to have the answers. For perhaps the greatest beauty of life is that we can only live one day at a time.

So quit planning and resenting the lack of answers. Don’t rush or rebuke the process. Instead, try to embrace it and live in those moments, even if they involve tears. You will be okay. Before you know it, you will be living in the answer.

What questions are you grappling with right now? 

Tube Romance | 3 Things

[Disclaimer: Before you begin, picture the weirdest person you know in your head right now. And remember that person in about 30 seconds when you’re thinking ‘this girl craaaazzzy’. Thanks, continue.]

Settle in because it’s story time on the blog today. I am basically selling my soul by sharing this, as it’s like an open door into my mind (a.k.a Pandora’s Box).

One day I was on the tube, en route to visit my friend Hayley. She’d had an accident that day and wasn’t in a good way. There I am in my ‘tube world’ when this incredibly beautiful man sits down next to me. You know, the kind of handsome where you could tell he had an awesome personality too? (Such shallow and wishful thinking, tut tut Micaela)

For the guys reading this, I’m about to freak you out. Ladies, you’ll just chuckle because YOU KNOW. Within minutes I had created the most romantic and unrealistic scenario in my wild imagination:

I get off at my stop to come to my friend’s rescue, and obviously he runs after me because obviously that kind of thing happens every day. I’m in a rush, and obviously he wants my number. Then, obviously I play it cool/harsh/weird and say this:

“How about you give me your number, and tell me the 3 most important things I need to know about you if I’m going to call you.”

Now I considered recreating this as a wee short story and denying all involvement, but by now you should know that just ain’t my style. This really did provoke me to think – if it was the other way around and it was me that had to sum myself up in 3 points, what would I say?

All jokes (and hot men) aside, what do I want people to know most? Is it really who I am or who I want to be? Would my actions back those words up? After a bit of self-reflection and a lot of honesty, this would have been my answer…

“First, I just can’t help but love Jesus but that doesn’t make me perfect. Next, I’m intense in both good and bad ways. Finally, even though I want to choose the salad, I’ll always choose the burger!”

Back to the non-existent love story. It ended there, obviously. I didn’t bother scripting his answer because I was too busy with my own! (Standard behaviour – I’m selfish and have a short attention span). Now, in reality this situation would only happen in a ridiculously stupid (okay, awesome) film. But like I said, it started as a cute ‘boy meets girl’ idea in my head, then really got me thinking.

Please leave a comment and let me know; how would you sum yourself up? Never mind to a prospective BABE, but to anyone? I don’t think it would be the usual small talk info we find out from people normally. Like, our job and where we live. Or for you maybe it is, enlighten me!