Tube Romance | 3 Things

[Disclaimer: Before you begin, picture the weirdest person you know in your head right now. And remember that person in about 30 seconds when you’re thinking ‘this girl craaaazzzy’. Thanks, continue.]

Settle in because it’s story time on the blog today. I am basically selling my soul by sharing this, as it’s like an open door into my mind (a.k.a Pandora’s Box).

One day I was on the tube, en route to visit my friend Hayley. She’d had an accident that day and wasn’t in a good way. There I am in my ‘tube world’ when this incredibly beautiful man sits down next to me. You know, the kind of handsome where you could tell he had an awesome personality too? (Such shallow and wishful thinking, tut tut Micaela)

For the guys reading this, I’m about to freak you out. Ladies, you’ll just chuckle because YOU KNOW. Within minutes I had created the most romantic and unrealistic scenario in my wild imagination:

I get off at my stop to come to my friend’s rescue, and obviously he runs after me because obviously that kind of thing happens every day. I’m in a rush, and obviously he wants my number. Then, obviously I play it cool/harsh/weird and say this:

“How about you give me your number, and tell me the 3 most important things I need to know about you if I’m going to call you.”

Now I considered recreating this as a wee short story and denying all involvement, but by now you should know that just ain’t my style. This really did provoke me to think – if it was the other way around and it was me that had to sum myself up in 3 points, what would I say?

All jokes (and hot men) aside, what do I want people to know most? Is it really who I am or who I want to be? Would my actions back those words up? After a bit of self-reflection and a lot of honesty, this would have been my answer…

“First, I just can’t help but love Jesus but that doesn’t make me perfect. Next, I’m intense in both good and bad ways. Finally, even though I want to choose the salad, I’ll always choose the burger!”

Back to the non-existent love story. It ended there, obviously. I didn’t bother scripting his answer because I was too busy with my own! (Standard behaviour – I’m selfish and have a short attention span). Now, in reality this situation would only happen in a ridiculously stupid (okay, awesome) film. But like I said, it started as a cute ‘boy meets girl’ idea in my head, then really got me thinking.

Please leave a comment and let me know; how would you sum yourself up? Never mind to a prospective BABE, but to anyone? I don’t think it would be the usual small talk info we find out from people normally. Like, our job and where we live. Or for you maybe it is, enlighten me!

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Now and Then

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.  -Lynn Hall

When you are through changing, you are through.  -Bruce Barton

Life changes and we change with it; that’s just how it goes. The weird thing about it is that we can only see how we’ve changed in retrospect. I have been thinking a bit about how I’ve changed since I moved from New Zealand to London in 2008. The experience of moving overseas and travelling has inevitably changed me in a unique way. If I had stayed at home, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I have also changed in age just like everyone else, yet so much can change in those ‘development years’ of 18-21. In some ways I don’t recognise the girl that landed in London almost three years ago, yet in other ways we are still the same person and always will be.

So, who was I then? People have asked me how I moved to London alone at such a young age, with no friends or family living here. To be honest, I don’t know how I did it because I feel more vulnerable now than I did then. I was naturally apprehensive with questions constantly swimming around in my head; what’s it going to be like? Who am I going to meet? Will I be homesick? The concerns of homesickness were very applicable because of the distance between London to New Zealand, and I had only booked a one-way ticket. But I put my head down and didn’t let my fear stop me; I knew it was the right thing to do and that I would be okay. It’s like I had put my running shoes on the day that I decided to go to London. By the time it was time to leave 6 months later, I was ready to run from everything I knew and into the unknown. I was ready to grow up as my own person with nothing to hold me back.

Sadly I was so eager, almost too eager, to grow up. I wanted to leave behind my complicated childhood to a life that I could create myself, without any unwanted additions. It was my dream; to pick and choose who I had in my life and what I did everyday. I was craving independence and a fresh start. I also desperately wanted to be taken seriously; I thought I could do anything and wanted everyone to see through my fun and ditzy persona. Underneath my social façade there was a deep and intense girl. I had flown (quite literally) the nest and was ready to take over the world.

What I didn’t see then, because I lacked the humility and maturity, was that I had so much to learn. If you had given me the world I would have tried my best, but crushed it like a delicate flower in my hand. I was not ready for anything but I thought I was ready for everything. Thanks to some incredible people that I’ve met along the way, I’ve learnt a lot. On the first day of my first job in London, I called my boss ‘dude’ because I didn’t know how to address her. Uh, maybe by her name?! Cringe. However, thankfully, she doesn’t remember this happening and laughed her head off when I recently recounted the horrid memory to her.

My life has changed incredibly since I moved to London. Friends have come and gone, there have been romances, hurts, travels, lessons, trials, amazing ups and very low downs. My whole life I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, even as a kid on the playground I would do whatever it took to hold on to a friend. A few weeks after I finally put my heart in its rightful place as a woman, I met my amazing boyfriend. Life’s funny like that.

So far, there is not one thing I can pinpoint as ‘the reason’ for my moving overseas. I always thought there would be, ‘Ah-ha! That’s why I came here, it all makes sense now’. Now I can see that there are many reasons; I had an incredible job where I learnt a lot that will be the foundation to the rest of my career; I’ve found love, which has softened my heart; I’ve travelled, which is something that cannot be described, only experienced. But more than anything, I’ve grown up, pure and simple. I think that’s why I came to London and the rest is just what’s happened along the way! I am so thankful and consider myself incredibly blessed. And it’s not over yet, I’m still here.

Who am I now? I am more vulnerable because someone has cared enough to teach me how. I am happier because my expectations are realistic. I am more secure because I know that I am loved. I am more confident because I know what my strengths are. I am more mature because I have learnt from my mistakes. I am less hyperactive because I no longer feel the need to seek attention. But while being all of the above, I am also still me. I am still a chatterbox, have bad punctuality and bad financial management, and still struggle with anxiety. Hey, life’s a journey… Hopefully on our death bed’s we’ll all be perfect!

If you gave the world to me now, I would give it back to you. Because even though I have three years more life experience, I know that I can’t take over the world. I know that all I can do is today, and do it well. Each day contributes to the next, and we can only take one at a time.

Then. So excited to be in London, 2008

Now. Barcelona, 2010

 


The Coming of Age

Birthdays are awesome. And this one has been one of the best so far. Twenty-one is an exciting age. Its a new season, the start of true adulthood. But it scares me a little bit too. My life is up to me, the world is my oyster, and I am responsible for my actions. I can’t say ‘I’m young and don’t know any better’ anymore.

However, I am very glad to properly be a woman now. That whole ‘not a girl, but not a woman either’ stage is pretty awkward. I think I had to fast forward that a bit since I moved away. Having a full time job is definitely not the same as going to school everyday and interacting with your peers. On my first day of working in London, I called my boss ‘dude’. She was female and she was my boss. That is awkward! Alas, I learnt professionalism in the work place and can now correctly assess whether it is appropriate to crack a joke or not… most of the time. I feel now that I don’t have to ‘pretend’ to be mature. That through some good and bad experiences, I have become mature. Though still young and inexperienced, I have a little more wisdom than I did 1 year ago.

I told my colleague (31) at work how I want to freeze at twenty-one years old and stay here forever. What she said was encouraging and so unexpected; ‘Life just gets better with age, I am so much happier now than when I was 21.’ That was like music to my ears. When I said ‘and you make less mistakes’, she laughed and said ‘nope, you still make mistakes, you just have the grace to accept the mistakes and move on!’.

The best is yet to come! Twenty-one. Its only the start really.

Striving for Fruit

Have you ever tried so hard to change something about yourself and failed miserably? Striving. It doesn’t get you anywhere. It is a long and defeating road, one that I have been on for too long and am learning to stay away from.

Jesus did it all for us. We don’t have to do anything, we just have to accept it. Which is the hardest part. One day I had a revelation that I would become the person I wanted to be through the overflow of God’s love… And I have never been the same since.

‘But the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.’
Galations 5:22

Wouldn’t you love to be a person that radiated these qualities of Christ? I know I would be. And after 21 years of trying to have these qualities in my own strength, I can safely say that it has not worked. These are fruits of the spirit – they can only truly come from God! Through spending time with Him, studying His word and asking that you would bear His fruit. Because he is the vine, and no one can bear fruit if they are not connected to the vine. Fact.

Just a thought for the day.