Surviving the Terrible Twos: Discussing Dating

dating

Creative Commons – ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser

 

Welcome to the second week of Sam and my blog series on getting through your twenties. Today we are discussing DATING (ohh hell), and last week we discussed careers. Share your stories in the comments!

Be sure to check out Sam’s dating post here.

I can tell you how to be in a longterm relationship, and what not to do in one. I can tell you how to be perpetually single. I can tell you how to awkwardly tell someone that they have the “X-factor” you’ve been looking for… Yep, it happened, but in my defense it was long before that damn TV show existed. However, I cannot tell you how to “date” because a) the obvious and simple answer is to go on dates, and b) my experience within that arena is very limited.

I’ve had two first dates. The first first was a dive into the deep end, and the start to a serious relationship that I probably wasn’t ready for. The second first was spent freaking out about what personal information I was allowed to omit and what I wasn’t, because I don’t really have an internal “too much information” filter. Whew, stressful stuff. After forcing a second date, we agreed there wasn’t enough chemistry to go out again.

Two first dates and two very different outcomes, both of which I learned a lot from. And there you have my adult “dating” history. Therefore today there will be nooooo advice giving, ’cause this sister is as clueless as the next. But instead I will bring to you four discussion points that I hope you will weigh in on!

Continue reading

Advertisements

Is Love Earned?

love

This week, my friend Cory kindly hosted me on his popular blog where I wrote about my experiences with love. My own blog has been having some issues while I redesign it so I didn’t get to share it with you when the post went live.

So here is the beginning and I hope you will finish reading over at CoryCopeland.net

When I was 17 years old, I had a very unromantic understanding of relationships. I remember flicking through a magazine when a quote from Nicole Kidman caught my eye. Regarding her husband Keith Urban and their problematic marriage, she declared that “you can’t choose who you fall in love with.” I scoffed and thought, “Stupid famous people and their stupid romantic theories.” I believed love had to be earned, and that we all had 100 per cent control over whom we chose to love.

I was guarded and practical due to what I had seen of marriage and didn’t want to experience myself. I thought avoiding heartbreak was rather straightforward. All you had to do was wait for the right person who ticked all the boxes. Then you invested the time into getting to know them and eventually, with much deliberation and thought, you fell in love. Not rocket science, right?

Now here I sit some years later, having loved and been loved, and not sure what I believe.

Continue reading and share your thoughts at CoryCopeland.net

 

To Somebody That I Used To Know

To Somebody That I Used to Know,

Sorry to be another person to use that damn song title, but I couldn’t help it, it’s just so perfectly fitting. And I mean it quite literally; I used to know you and now I don’t. Unlike the song (which I happen to like a lot), where Gotye is actually talking about someone he used to love. Gotye’s poor ex, being the person he is nonchalantly referring to. Where is the credit for her putting up with such an emo-hipster-musician for a boyfriend? Anyway, I digress.

It’s best that you know now rather than later that you’re not just one person. There are a bunch of you, so I’m sorry if you thought you were special for the first paragraph of this letter. You see, I have this uncanny ability of growing incredibly close to people incredibly fast. You could say I’m a connector. I loves a good connection, I does. Or I used to, until I got sick of having so many ‘old friends that weren’t friends any more’ and decided to start collecting some long-lasting, forever type friends. Such a romantic notion, which I think I’ve successfully achieved. I have a spectacular inner circle of friends whom I love dearly. Tick. Now, back to you.

As I mentioned, you’re many people. Some of you I really fancied the pants off of (not literally, I was much too frigid for that). Which yes, means that a good portion of you are male. Of which another good portion just stopped talking to me, and quite abruptly. Ouch. Guys tend to do that, or is it just young guys? I don’t know but it rather hurt. Until I wrote to one of you years later, a hateful and angry email that felt great to get off my chest. The response was hauntingly obvious and helped me understand; guys don’t do ‘friends’ if they actually would prefer to date you. They want all of you or none of you at all, and I had my rule of being single until I was 18. I wanted you to wait for me, I wanted you around. How utterly naive and selfish I was.

Right, that’s one of you out of the way. But you were the first and there were many to follow. No boyfriends, just emotional, coy and flirtatious flings. We liked each other a lot, and talked/texted/hung out, but never dated for one reason or another. However, lets be clear on one thing: I was never a wild or promiscuous teenager. In fact I wore the title of ‘Virgin Mary’ among my school friends, not so proudly but definitely with dignity. There was the year that I went a little bit overboard on the meaningless kisses though. Like I said, I was frigid for a long time. But it seems I then discovered the art of kissing at 17, and I just took off! Making up for lost time, maybe? I don’t know but it’s funny when I think about it now. My point is that from the age of 15-19, there were a few of you that I absolutely adored. You could say I was an ’emotional harlot’. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I wanted love and I was looking for it in you young men, the wrong people. I’m so glad it didn’t work out with any of you. Though I am still single now, it’s all worked out for the best. Most of you are happily married now, which is nice.

The rest of you somebody’s that I used to know are friends that didn’t stay friends. We changed. I know, another cliche, please forgive me. But we did and you really do need something in common with friends for it to work. Whatever that may be. I do like to think some of you were around for a special season, that maybe God blessed me with you then took you away again. You were good to me and had great impact in my life, at the perfect time. I hope I returned it adequately. I was sad when you left my life but not willing to chase it, because it was obvious it wasn’t meant to last. I know I sound like I’m talking about a romantic relationship, and not just regular girl friends, but I’m a little bit lesbian like that. I take all relationships in my life very seriously. All that matters is people, which makes this letter quite ironic. Oh, life.

We may have spoken recently, old friend, on Facebook. I’ve been reconnected with a few of you and its the darnedest thing! To see how you have grown up and who you have become. That some of you have even had children! Facebook aye, the site where everyone is ‘friends’. But we’re not friends anymore, are we? It’s a weird and awkward thing to navigate, friendship. We would still call eachother a friend, it would be harsh not to. But the fact of the matter is that we aren’t friends any more and that’s okay. It’s mutual.

Whoever you are, friend or flame from the past, I pray that you’re happy. I truly and genuinely hope that your life is swell. I also hope that you remember me, for one reason or another. I imagine it will be a particularly embarrassing reason that will keep me alive in your memory, that would be fitting and is fine with me. Just remember me, okay? Because I remember you, all of you, even though I don’t know you anymore.

May the Lord’s face shine upon you,
Micaela

Image credit

Tube Romance | 3 Things

[Disclaimer: Before you begin, picture the weirdest person you know in your head right now. And remember that person in about 30 seconds when you’re thinking ‘this girl craaaazzzy’. Thanks, continue.]

Settle in because it’s story time on the blog today. I am basically selling my soul by sharing this, as it’s like an open door into my mind (a.k.a Pandora’s Box).

One day I was on the tube, en route to visit my friend Hayley. She’d had an accident that day and wasn’t in a good way. There I am in my ‘tube world’ when this incredibly beautiful man sits down next to me. You know, the kind of handsome where you could tell he had an awesome personality too? (Such shallow and wishful thinking, tut tut Micaela)

For the guys reading this, I’m about to freak you out. Ladies, you’ll just chuckle because YOU KNOW. Within minutes I had created the most romantic and unrealistic scenario in my wild imagination:

I get off at my stop to come to my friend’s rescue, and obviously he runs after me because obviously that kind of thing happens every day. I’m in a rush, and obviously he wants my number. Then, obviously I play it cool/harsh/weird and say this:

“How about you give me your number, and tell me the 3 most important things I need to know about you if I’m going to call you.”

Now I considered recreating this as a wee short story and denying all involvement, but by now you should know that just ain’t my style. This really did provoke me to think – if it was the other way around and it was me that had to sum myself up in 3 points, what would I say?

All jokes (and hot men) aside, what do I want people to know most? Is it really who I am or who I want to be? Would my actions back those words up? After a bit of self-reflection and a lot of honesty, this would have been my answer…

“First, I just can’t help but love Jesus but that doesn’t make me perfect. Next, I’m intense in both good and bad ways. Finally, even though I want to choose the salad, I’ll always choose the burger!”

Back to the non-existent love story. It ended there, obviously. I didn’t bother scripting his answer because I was too busy with my own! (Standard behaviour – I’m selfish and have a short attention span). Now, in reality this situation would only happen in a ridiculously stupid (okay, awesome) film. But like I said, it started as a cute ‘boy meets girl’ idea in my head, then really got me thinking.

Please leave a comment and let me know; how would you sum yourself up? Never mind to a prospective BABE, but to anyone? I don’t think it would be the usual small talk info we find out from people normally. Like, our job and where we live. Or for you maybe it is, enlighten me!