We’re All Pretenders

There are so many women I admire, that I either directly know or have heard about. They are strong and secure, confident and beautiful, talented and humble. From the outside they look organised (such a coveted attribute), fun and free. But on the inside, I think they’re just like me: afraid and unsure of what they could do if they tried. Pretending, even just a little bit, that they’re already there.

Then there are the ones that aren’t pretending, they’re just not public about it. It’s amazing how much we can presume about a person without seeing them behind closed doors. Whether we admit it or not, we all share this in common: we doubt ourselves. Whether it be hourly or daily or whatever, we all do it.

I’m sick of thinking everyone does it better than me. I’m over making comparisons, because obviously I never come out on top, and then I’m back to square 1 of being discouraged and not good enough. It’s getting a little old to be honest.

For me right now, it’s this blogging world that I have stumbled upon. I’m scared of this blog; of it’s potential to flop and become yet another abandoned hobby; or of the success and opportunities that it could lead to. More the latter than the former. What we are capable of is daunting, so much so that we end up not doing nothing.

Reader, you intimidate me but I want you here more than anything.

I don’t know if I’m disciplined or talented enough, and the more effort I invest, the more risk involved. I know I know, it’s not complicated, all I need to do is write. As long as I know the reason for my words and keep close to the Source that provides them, then I’m good.  It’s about keeping the main thing the main thing.

I find comfort in knowing that the women that inspire me in the blogosphere, the ones that look like they totally know what they’re doing and have a million things to say; they started out the same as me, and might still be there.

We are all in the same boat. Some further along in the journey, others just pushing out from the dock. We all have something for each other and none of us are there yet.

Let’s do this together, by stepping out individually and encouraging each other collectively.

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Discovering My Skill

I always want to learn lots of things and be able to do lots of different things. In the past it was based on wanting to be someone other than myself; acquiring skills that God never created me to do.

As I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin and grown up a little, I don’t want to learn just everything and anything any more. I still have a desire to be better and know more, but I want to learn specific skills that can be effectively used and applied in and through my life. Skills that can help, encourage and bless people. I don’t want to spend my precious time, energy and focus on trying to be someone else or learn someone else’s skill. I want to discover me and my life without wasting time.

But then I guess that’s how you learn and you grow and that’s how I am where I am today; by wasting a little bit of time to get to a conclusion. Which doesn’t make it waste AT ALL, it makes it beautiful life-giving experience, even if it’s hard, confusing or painful at the time. This is life: painfully beautiful.

What I was really trying to say in that ramble is that I don’t want to spend my life being anyone but myself, but it’s taking me time to figure out who exactly ‘myself’ is.

I like the way the late Steve Jobs puts it:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”