To Somebody That I Used To Know

To Somebody That I Used to Know,

Sorry to be another person to use that damn song title, but I couldn’t help it, it’s just so perfectly fitting. And I mean it quite literally; I used to know you and now I don’t. Unlike the song (which I happen to like a lot), where Gotye is actually talking about someone he used to love. Gotye’s poor ex, being the person he is nonchalantly referring to. Where is the credit for her putting up with such an emo-hipster-musician for a boyfriend? Anyway, I digress.

It’s best that you know now rather than later that you’re not just one person. There are a bunch of you, so I’m sorry if you thought you were special for the first paragraph of this letter. You see, I have this uncanny ability of growing incredibly close to people incredibly fast. You could say I’m a connector. I loves a good connection, I does. Or I used to, until I got sick of having so many ‘old friends that weren’t friends any more’ and decided to start collecting some long-lasting, forever type friends. Such a romantic notion, which I think I’ve successfully achieved. I have a spectacular inner circle of friends whom I love dearly. Tick. Now, back to you.

As I mentioned, you’re many people. Some of you I really fancied the pants off of (not literally, I was much too frigid for that). Which yes, means that a good portion of you are male. Of which another good portion just stopped talking to me, and quite abruptly. Ouch. Guys tend to do that, or is it just young guys? I don’t know but it rather hurt. Until I wrote to one of you years later, a hateful and angry email that felt great to get off my chest. The response was hauntingly obvious and helped me understand; guys don’t do ‘friends’ if they actually would prefer to date you. They want all of you or none of you at all, and I had my rule of being single until I was 18. I wanted you to wait for me, I wanted you around. How utterly naive and selfish I was.

Right, that’s one of you out of the way. But you were the first and there were many to follow. No boyfriends, just emotional, coy and flirtatious flings. We liked each other a lot, and talked/texted/hung out, but never dated for one reason or another. However, lets be clear on one thing: I was never a wild or promiscuous teenager. In fact I wore the title of ‘Virgin Mary’ among my school friends, not so proudly but definitely with dignity. There was the year that I went a little bit overboard on the meaningless kisses though. Like I said, I was frigid for a long time. But it seems I then discovered the art of kissing at 17, and I just took off! Making up for lost time, maybe? I don’t know but it’s funny when I think about it now. My point is that from the age of 15-19, there were a few of you that I absolutely adored. You could say I was an ’emotional harlot’. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I wanted love and I was looking for it in you young men, the wrong people. I’m so glad it didn’t work out with any of you. Though I am still single now, it’s all worked out for the best. Most of you are happily married now, which is nice.

The rest of you somebody’s that I used to know are friends that didn’t stay friends. We changed. I know, another cliche, please forgive me. But we did and you really do need something in common with friends for it to work. Whatever that may be. I do like to think some of you were around for a special season, that maybe God blessed me with you then took you away again. You were good to me and had great impact in my life, at the perfect time. I hope I returned it adequately. I was sad when you left my life but not willing to chase it, because it was obvious it wasn’t meant to last. I know I sound like I’m talking about a romantic relationship, and not just regular girl friends, but I’m a little bit lesbian like that. I take all relationships in my life very seriously. All that matters is people, which makes this letter quite ironic. Oh, life.

We may have spoken recently, old friend, on Facebook. I’ve been reconnected with a few of you and its the darnedest thing! To see how you have grown up and who you have become. That some of you have even had children! Facebook aye, the site where everyone is ‘friends’. But we’re not friends anymore, are we? It’s a weird and awkward thing to navigate, friendship. We would still call eachother a friend, it would be harsh not to. But the fact of the matter is that we aren’t friends any more and that’s okay. It’s mutual.

Whoever you are, friend or flame from the past, I pray that you’re happy. I truly and genuinely hope that your life is swell. I also hope that you remember me, for one reason or another. I imagine it will be a particularly embarrassing reason that will keep me alive in your memory, that would be fitting and is fine with me. Just remember me, okay? Because I remember you, all of you, even though I don’t know you anymore.

May the Lord’s face shine upon you,
Micaela

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Don’t Live in the Moment

‘Let’s go all the way tonight,
No regrets, just love’

Many of us know the Katy Perry song, Teenage Dream, these lyrics are derived from. I was listening to this song as I ran last night, it was just the fast beat I needed to keep going. But all of a sudden each step I took became heavier and more purposeful as I really thought about what I was listening to.

I hate those lyrics. I hate that there are teenagers listening to songs like these and subconsciously digesting them as truth. Living for the moment, in whatever context, is not the teenage dream. There isn’t a dream, because we live in the real world with real consequences. I know, I’m such a fun sucker! (Feel free to quit reading now and go back to living in the moment, because it only gets worse from here).

Teenage life is a circus act of juggling identity, friendships, hormones and more. As a Christian it was a whole different ball game for me but better than it could have been. Without God, highschool would have been a much greater struggle. I definitely would have made worse choices, and there are multiples times where I am thankful I didn’t ‘live in the moment’ (among the ones where I foolishly did). There is one particular moment that I chose wisdom over emotions, and I believe it set me up for harder years to come.

I won’t get into details, but there had been a situation at home. It was a traumatic day for me and I was taken back to my grandparents house. I was 16 and had a life of my own, so I didn’t have to stay with my grandparents that night. I had choices. It was a Saturday and there was a party starting in a few hours at my friend’s house.

All I wanted to do in that very moment is go to that party and get roaring drunk. Just to forget, even for a few short hours, that the day had ever happened. I had never been drunk before and never wanted to, until that day. I was very sheltered from alcohol and in my mind it was the root of all evils, so it wasn’t like me to think this way. But life was hard and alcohol was looking like a fitting saviour. To be perfectly honest my attitude was ‘fuck the world’.

Instead I called another friend who didn’t get me drunk, and to this day I’m glad I did. Had I chosen listen to my emotions that day and gone to the party, it probably wouldn’t have ended terribly. After definitely embarrassing myself, I would have spent the next day deservingly hungover, and that’s about it. However it could have gone another way, and we’ll never really know. It only takes a moment.

Just ask the young couple who got pregnant from one night without protection. Or the girl who cheated on her boyfriend in a moment of lust. What about the guy who reacted with violence in a moment of anger, and ended up in jail? Obviously these are extreme cases but they can also happen to anyone.

For me, I think that defining moment was a case of ‘until the next time…’. There were more moments to comes when I hated my reality, and would probably turn alcohol to numb the pain, again, and then again. Next it would be drugs and sex to help me through. I know myself and wouldn’t put it past me. I am naturally a very impulsive person. When I want something, I want it now.

These days my challenges are different but the goal is ever the same; choose wisdom. It always pays off, trust me. Just a few days ago I had to do it again, and at the time I wanted to kick and scream. Later I was so thankful that I didn’t give in to that moment of weakness, and I had a big glass of red wine to congratulate myself!

Our lives are made up of moments and decisions; some are life-changing, many are not. Yes, enjoy your life and all of the moments! Be present in the moment, just don’t be deceived by the convincing lies of some of those moments. Katy Perry is wrong, there are regrets! Choose wisdom, not the irrational demands of your emotions in the moment. It only takes one moment to change your life, for the better or worse.

Are there any defining moments in your life that came to mind when reading? What do you think about the cliche of living in the moment, do you think I’m being extreme? Leave a comment. 

Don’t Live in the Moment

‘Let’s go all the way tonight,
No regrets, just love’

Many of us know the Katy Perry song, Teenage Dream, these lyrics are derived from. I was listening to this song as I ran last night, it was just the fast beat I needed to keep going. But all of a sudden each step I took became heavier and more purposeful as I really thought about what I was listening to.

I hate those lyrics. I hate that there are teenagers listening to songs like these and subconsciously digesting them as truth. Living for the moment, in whatever context, is not the teenage dream. There isn’t a dream, because we live in the real world with real consequences. I know, I’m such a fun sucker! (Feel free to quit reading now and go back to living in the moment, because it only gets worse from here).

Teenage life is a circus act of juggling identity, friendships, hormones and more. As a Christian it was a whole different ball game for me but better than it could have been. Without God, highschool would have been a much greater struggle. I definitely would have made worse choices, and there are multiples times where I am thankful I didn’t ‘live in the moment’ (among the ones where I foolishly did). There is one particular moment that I chose wisdom over emotions, and I believe it set me up for harder years to come.

I won’t get into details, but there had been a situation at home. It was a traumatic day for me and I was taken back to my grandparents house. I was 16 and had a life of my own, so I didn’t have to stay with my grandparents that night. I had choices. It was a Saturday and there was a party starting in a few hours at my friend’s house.

All I wanted to do in that very moment is go to that party and get roaring drunk. Just to forget, even for a few short hours, that the day had ever happened. I had never been drunk before and never wanted to, until that day. I was very sheltered from alcohol and in my mind it was the root of all evils, so it wasn’t like me to think this way. But life was hard and alcohol was looking like a fitting saviour. To be perfectly honest my attitude was ‘fuck the world’.

Instead I called another friend who didn’t get me drunk, and to this day I’m glad I did. Had I chosen listen to my emotions that day and gone to the party, it probably wouldn’t have ended terribly. After definitely embarrassing myself, I would have spent the next day deservingly hungover, and that’s about it. However it could have gone another way, and we’ll never really know. It only takes a moment.

Just ask the young couple who got pregnant from one night without protection. Or the girl who cheated on her boyfriend in a moment of lust. What about the guy who reacted with violence in a moment of anger, and ended up in jail? Obviously these are extreme cases but they can also happen to anyone.

For me, I think that defining moment was a case of ‘until the next time…’. There were more moments to comes when I hated my reality, and would probably turn alcohol to numb the pain, again, and then again. Next it would be drugs and sex to help me through. I know myself and wouldn’t put it past me. I am naturally a very impulsive person. When I want something, I want it now.

These days my challenges are different but the goal is ever the same; choose wisdom. It always pays off, trust me. Just a few days ago I had to do it again, and at the time I wanted to kick and scream. Later I was so thankful that I didn’t give in to that moment of weakness, and I had a big glass of red wine to congratulate myself!

Our lives are made up of moments and decisions; some are life-changing, many are not. Yes, enjoy your life and all of the moments! Be present in the moment, just don’t be deceived by the convincing lies of some of those moments. Katy Perry is wrong, there are regrets! Choose wisdom, not the irrational demands of your emotions in the moment. It only takes one moment to change your life, for the better or worse.

Are there any defining moments in your life that came to mind when reading? What do you think about the cliche of living in the moment, do you think I’m being extreme? Leave a comment.